Archive for the Category »parenting «

08
Mar
Faithfulness
thammie128

I am reposting this note written by our friend David. I am amazed at this young man’s wisdom–it is well beyond his years and his experience. I am sure a lot of couples have a lot to learn from this single guy (hopefully, single not for long David!).

“Faithfulness is not not-cheating. Not cheating is not cheating. We cannot define a principle by what it is not. Faithfulness is being firm in allegiance. In other words, being faithful is more than not cheating, it means being completely devoted. And unfaithfulness is not just cheating, it is not being completely devoted.

And what is devotion? It is simply the dedication of our lives to a purpose – or to a person.

My prayer is not that I won’t be unfaithful. My prayer is that I will be firm in my devotion.”

This is my prayer, too— to be completely devoted and to be firm in my devotion…first to God, then my husband, and then the rest of my family. This means that my choices should reflect these priorities. This means that the way I choose to handle my time, the way I live each day, the manner in which I serve and relate to my husband, how I conduct myself whether or not I am in front of my kids…even the thoughts that I allow to run through my head, and the emotions I allow myself to feel— all these should be aligned to this devotion that I say I have towards them.

If more husbands and wives understand faithfulness in this light, wow there will surely be less counseling cases, less fights, less talk on divorce…and a lot of better marriages and more kids who are secure in their families.

Lord, help me to be totally devoted to you. May you always be my first love….and let your unconditional love overflow through me, to those around me. As I devote the rest of my life to knowing and experiencing more of you, and as I look to you and fix my eyes on you, may you continually teach me and show me more and more how it is to love and respect my husband, and to train and shepherd my children.

:)

Category: God moments, marriage, parenting  Tags: , , , ,  Leave a Comment
05
Mar
Home By Choice
thammie128

I was having dinner with another mom last weekend and we got into the following conversation:

ME: “So how do you spend most of your day?” (I know this mom is involved in their business)

MOM: “Work talaga. My whole day is spent at the office.”

ME: “Wow! Kaya mo? Good for you! Galing mo naman.” (Seriously, I admire moms who are able to manage work plus mommy-hood. My hat’s off to you!)

MOM: “Yeah, kaya naman. I manage. What about you?”

ME: “Well, most of my days are really spent at home with the kids.”

MOM: “As in, housewife ka lang talga???” (she knows that I am a full-time homemaker, yet she still seemed surprised at my answer)

ME: “Yep!” *grin*

MOM: (in a seemingly puzzled tone) “So you cook everyday??”

ME: “Not really everyday. When I cook, I take a lot of time in the kitchen so I choose to cook on some days only or especially when there’s an occasion or when we’re having guests over.”

MOM: (even more puzzled this time) “Ha?? So that’s it?? The WHOLE day you’re just at home??? What do you do?? As in, with the kids lang the WHOLE day???”

…….and then I shall stop here. (I gave her an answer, but let me stop my story here.)

I must warn you that some of what will follow this sentence might be inappropriate or not what should have entered my mind but I choose to be honest with you. Here were the thoughts that ran through my mind at that time: (Don’t worry, they didn’t linger in my mind long enough for me to be affected :D )

“Lang? …my husband never added that word in reference to what I do around the house.”

“She’s a mom, too….seriously? Does she really not understand how it is to stay home with the kids and manage a household?”

“Gosh…now that you put it that way, it does sound like my days are so unfruitful.”

“Note: I have to ask Dennis again about this, about how he really feels about me not working and being a stay-at-home mom.”

——-—and then I took my thoughts captive (see? I told you not to worry!)——-

I realized that there really will be people who will see what we stay-at-home moms do as a “waste” (for lack of a better word) of talent, brains, and skill (now, there’s a consolation: at least they all have the presumption that we are talented, smart, and skillful! :D ). The  tricky thing about motherhood is, unlike a career or a job where you get paid for what you do and you see immediate tangible rewards for your efforts at the end of a day’s work, we don’t get that kind of satisfaction even if we wanted to. In any job– you work, you have an output, you get paid. You do an exceptional job, you get a promotion. All the time and energy you put into your work become evident almost all the time, often right away.

On the other hand, moms do a lot of overtime work, but don’t get paid. The immediate tangible products of our day’s efforts  are usually in the form of arts and crafts and messy rooms. The rewards we get are in the form of smiles, hugs, and kisses (this I don’t get as often since my four-year old doesn’t like the thought of saliva transference). If we do an exceptional job, we get the satisfaction of knowing we gave it our best. The product of all the time and energy we put into our work sometimes become evident, but too often we have to wait.

….and we wait years….until we see our children grow up. We wait years before we see the real fruit of all our efforts, years before all the hard work pay off. But we have this promise that as we train up our children in the way they should go, in the end they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

Motherhood is an investment with high risks. That’s because the stakes are high– we are dealing with lives.

But it is also one with the highest returns and the greatest rewards. :)

Category: parenting  Tags: , , , , ,  24 Comments
26
Feb
The Next Top Model
thammie128

I’m reminded of three scenarios that took place a couple of months ago, when Alyanna was still three-something years old. I took them to memory but never got around to blogging about them. I shall do that now, as I know it will be a good reminder for me (and hopefully to you, too) of just how much our children long for role models.

Part one:

There was a time (even before she turned three) that Alyanna got introduced to Connie Talbot, the six-year old singer who won on the show Britain’s Got Talent (*a reader just corrected me, Connie was just runner-up, not winner hehe,my mistake). Since then, Alyanna’s love for singing grew to a whole new level. She would sing in the car, while eating, before going to bed, in her sleep….everywhere, anywhere…everytime, anytime. She was so fond of this six-year old that she would sometimes call herself Connie Talbot or Alyanna Talbot, and would always wear boots (even here at home) because she thought that the boots would make her look like Connie. Why, she didn’t even allow me to get her a haircut because “Connie Talbot has long hair“.

This was also the season when Alyanna dreaded vegetables. One time, while we were having broccoli and cauliflower for dinner, Alyanna asked me what they were and I answered her, telling her to eat them. Before that time, she would just say no to eating veggies at the sight of anything green, but when I mentioned to her what those two kinds were, her eyes lit up as she asked, “what? CONNIE-flower?? Is this Connie Talbot’s favorite??” At that instant I saw a glimmer of hope that maybe— just maybe I can use this to get her to eat the healthy green stuff. I said “yep! Connieflower! And yes, maybe they’re Connie Talbot’s favorite….oh look! we even have little connietrees!!” (I know, I was pushing it :) ) ….I did have victory that day. :)

Part two:

After the Connie Talbot season was the season of the Von Trapp family. Alyanna just LOVED the Sound of Music! So much so that we even caught her singing “Lonely Goatherd” one morning, in her sleep. During this season, she would usually ask me “Do the kids in the Sound of Music like that?” or  “Do the kids in Sound of Music do that?” whenever I’d ask her to do something.

Part three:

After Maria and the Von Trapps, came Disney. She actually has never scene a full Disney movie (to the extent of my knowledge). Most of the time we just play the parts with the singing (those scenes we thought were safe enough) or play the soundtrack to her. Even then, somehow she still got the prince-princess concept, which I have been trying to avoid. I was surprised when one day, as I was carrying her down the stairs as one would carry an overgrown baby, she asked me, “Mom, diba this is how a prince carries a princess??” And one time when Dennis asked to kiss her, she said, “Ok, you be the prince and I’m the princess, daddy!” Ayayay!! And we’ve never even shown her any of those “…and they lived happily ever after” parts yet!

Children are always on the look-out for role models. God wired them that way. However, at a young age, they do not really have enough discernment to decide which would be a good model to follow. It is OUR duty, as parents, to provide that filter for them in the meantime. More than filtering, God has given us the responsibility to be the good models for them to follow. This means that if I am to parent my children well, then I’d have to live my life well.

Category: parenting  Tags: , , , , , ,  2 Comments
19
Feb
A Peso a Day…
thammie128

Dennis and I have both agreed that it is time we teach Alyanna some basic principles about Money. We started exposing her to the concept of money and saving money when she turned three by giving her a piggy bank that had three divisions– one for giving/tithing, one for saving, and another for spending. Though we knew she didn’t really get the point yet, that was fine. The goal at that time was just to point out that the money we get is not all for spending. OR maybe we just wanted to show her that in this life, we need money in order to be able to acquire stuff…and for that to happen, we needed to save. Well, that was Dennis’ goal,really. Mine was more on “This is money. In this life, we get to use this. For now, you just have to practice your fine motor skills (practice c/o how she held the coins with her fingers) and your eye-hand coordination (by learning how to shoot the coin through the small hole)…in preparation for writing.” :)

Since Alyanna turned four this month, we decided to take it to the next level. We  decided that it is time to teach her that money is earned. It is something one has to work for. It doesn’t, as they say, grow on trees…nor does it grow out of our nostrils when we sneeze. (Let me just put a smiley here, the rhyme amused me.:) )

Now where was I? Oh, yes– One has to work for money. Being a child doesn’t mean that she can avoid certain responsibilities. There are things that she is already capable of doing–be that on her own, or with a little  help from the grown-ups. What is important to us is that she shows initiative to help and take responsibility for certain things around the house already.

We have this kit from Bookworm.ph (eep! shameless plug here, but what can I do?? I wouldn’t want an opportunity lost :) ) which we started using to help achieve this goal. It is Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace Junior. We love it because it is really a kid-friendly version of what we have been implementing in our household in terms of budgeting and the stewardship of money.

So far so good. Alyanna has been loving the one-peso coins we give her every time she does chores around the house. Simple, age-appropriate chores such as fixing her bed, helping place the plates on the dining table, and sweeping the floor with her mini broom. There are also fines she has to pay whenever she fails to do what she’s supposed to. In our case, we would have to subtract from her “commission” when she would whine, since that’s what we’re working on with her behavior now. We have noticed that since we started it, she has been going out of her way to help out around the house, and has improved in the area of self-control. Another plus is that whenever she asks us to buy something for her at the mall, I just tell her to save up for it with the commission she gets from doing her chores. :)

It’s never too early to teach our children to be good stewards of the blessings that God gives us. It is never too early to teach them responsibility. I believe that as we train them in these areas early on, we are taking small yet significant steps that would set them up for a lifetime of success. :)

Now…if I could just get more one-peso coins…

check out the FINANCIAL PEACE JR KIT, click here to purchase

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18
Feb
The Anti-Thammie Therapy
thammie128

I was joyfully playing with Mika when I got alarmed upon hearing a somewhat-familiar loud cry. It was the kind that was a mix of a loud scream– depicting shock, and a very loud cry of frustration and fear. That voice was all too familiar and I knew it came from the kitchen. My heart skipped a beat. Something had happened to Alyanna; She needed me.

Of course, as any parent would have responded, I dropped what I was doing and immediately ran to the kitchen where Alyanna was. When I got there, I saw Alyanna in front of the water container (you know, that big blue square-shaped container we get from the water stations that we get refilled everytime?)– she was surrounded by a pool of water on the floor, had a small breakable cup in her hands, tears flowing down her cheeks, and a distressed look on her face. She had tried getting water by herself (which she has successfully done before) but couldn’t turn it off. She had turned the knob too much and now it was like water flowing from a faucet, only there was no drain or sink to catch it. There was only a small cup that got filled too quickly, and Alyanna just froze and panicked.

I imagine if that would have been Mika in her place, I would have witnessed a totally different scenario. I would have heard a loud “WHEEE!!” and would have seen Mika lying on the floor, pretending to be in a swimming pool. Mika’s that way…totally different from her older sister… totally different from me.

I totally understand Alyanna’s reaction to the whole thing. I think I myself would have responded the same way if I was her age. Even at that time, my initial reaction was “Aaarrgh!!! what happened??! what have you done???!?” –but of course, that was all in my head. I knew better. And so I calmly told Alyanna “That’s okay love.” But Alyanna wouldn’t respond. She was too frustrated with herself she just stood there and refused to move even as I tried to get her to step away from  the slippery floor.

I told her again that it really was okay and that we needed to move so we could mop the floor. She just stared at the pool of water. Then I asked her  “What happened? You didn’t get to turn it off in time?” She nodded her head yes.

“Are you scared?” She just looked at me, no response.

“Are you frustrated?” Once again, she nodded.

I decided to try something so  anti-thammie– I decided to add to the mess and “waste” more water, just to show her that it was all okay and that the world has not stopped just because of what happened. I got the small cup from her hand, drank from it, turned the knob on so that a lot of water flowed out, filled the cup with water, and let it overflow again. Water kept flowing down the floor for a few more seconds. Alyanna just stared at me, in shock…and then turned to look at the cup again. Just as I knew her, she knew me. She knew I didn’t like the mess, and she very well knew how I didn’t like being wasteful. She looked confused. Then I said to her, “Alyanna, sometimes accidents like these happen, and it’s okay. You’re okay. No need to panic. You’re all right.” Then I motioned for her to come try turn the knob. She did…and was able to. I saw the immediate change in her face. She felt in-control again. She was okay again. The world hasn’t stopped after all. Everything was back to normal. :)

Category: parenting  Tags:  One Comment
27
Jan
Aha! Caught you! :)
thammie128

This week I gave myself an assignment: to catch my children doing something right.

I’m not saying I do not praise them enough for tasks that they do well. In fact, I think most of us moms actually have that button that gets pressed every time we see our children accomplish something–be it a trivial task or a major milestone– there is that button that automatically shifts our vocal chords into high-pitched gear and turns our facial muscles into hyper-glee mode. I’m sure our kids often hear us say “HWWAAAWWW! (exaggerated version of wow!)”, “GOOD JOB!!”, or “I’M PROUD OF YOU!!”. I know I, for one, hear myself say those phrases a lot.

But this time I wished to take it further; I wanted to be more deliberate in praising them, and not have to wait for them to accomplish something before doing so. I wanted to take notice of the little things they did, not necessarily in reference to a certain task or milestone, but more of the little things that revealed their character. I wanted to catch them responding/talking properly and thank them for it; I wanted to catch them sharing their toys and appreciate their generosity; I wanted to catch them put in effort into something and tell them how proud I am of them for trying their best even before I got to see the actual results.

The week hasn’t ended yet, but already I feel good about my assignment. I have a feeling I’d be extending my deadline indefinitely…and that I’d be applying it not just with my kids, but with everyone else in this household. :) (everyone else in this world, for that matter) :)

Category: parenting  Tags: , ,  3 Comments
20
Jan
Marriage, Fatherhood, Manhood
thammie128

I’m re-posting Dennis’ latest post on his site. I am blessed to have a godly man in my life. :)

Lately God has been really revealing principles and concepts of marriage, fatherhood and manhood as I read the word. My Bible reading today is no exception. But before I continue let me just give you a brief background of why I am doing a series on this topic for the next few days.

Lately – I’ve been hearing a lot of sad stories of men leaving their family for another woman, or a dream/ambition. It is really pathetic and sad. I come face to face with men who looks cool and manly on the outside but are really weak and coward on the inside.

This week I was praying to God about the situation men just like me face. Though at first angry with all the things happening to my friends, church members and the world in general – it seems God is birthing a deep burden in my heart to really help men be men according to God’s design.

So the blog.

I was reading my Bible today and 2 verses strike me about how important the role we have as fathers.

First was Eli the prophet who discipled Samuel. Here was how the Bible described Eli’s sons.

1Sam. 2:12  ¶     Eli’s sons were scoundrels; they had no regard for the LORD.

1Sam. 2:22  ¶     Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the tent of meeting.
1Sam. 2:23 So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours.

But inspite of the warning, Eli did nothing. He just tried to talk to them. Daddy did not fulfill his job in raising godly kids. Eli was an absentee dad. Too busy ministering. No time for his sons. The result was horrendous

1Sam. 2:27  ¶     Now a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “This is what the LORD says: ‘Did I not clearly reveal myself to the family of your ancestor when they were in Egypt under Pharaoh?
1Sam. 2:28 I chose your ancestor out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, and to wear an ephod in my presence. I also gave your ancestor’s family all the food offerings presented by the Israelites.
1Sam. 2:29 Why do youd scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’
1Sam. 2:30  ¶     “Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: ‘I promised that the members of your family would minister before me forever.’ But now the LORD declares: ‘Far be it from me! Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.
1Sam. 2:31 The time is coming when I will cut short your strength and the strength of the members of your family, so that no one in it will reach old age,
1Sam. 2:32 and you will see distress in my dwelling. Although good will be done to Israel, no one in your family line will ever reach old age.
1Sam. 2:33 Every one of you that I do not cut off from serving at my altar I will spare only to destroy your sight and sap your strength, and all your descendants will die in the prime of life.
1Sam. 2:34  ¶     “‘And what happens to your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, will be a sign to you—they will both die on the same day.
1Sam. 2:35 I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind. I will firmly establish his family line, and he will minister before my anointed one always.

It was a hard lesson. Eli learned the hard way. You wouldn’t think Samuel will fall into the same daddy mistake.

Look at this verse:

1Sam. 8:1 ¶     When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as Israel’s leaders.b
1Sam. 8:2 The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was Abijah, and they served at Beersheba.
1Sam. 8:3 But his sons did not follow his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice.
1Sam. 8:4  ¶     So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah.
1Sam. 8:5 They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to leadc us, such as all the other nations have.”
1Sam. 8:6  ¶     But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD.

Samuel followed Eli’s footstep. He was busy ministering that he forgot to disciple his kids who grew up dishonest. Another revelation hit me. God blamed the dads – not the moms. Nowhere in this 2 accounts did God mention that mommy was the reason. Daddy takes the blame.

What a great responsibility God has given us as men and fathers. I prayed that before I ask God to increase my influence or broaden my reach – make me first the leader of my household.

Daddy never underestimate the gift of Fatherhood. History lies in our hands and it starts at home.

Category: parenting  Tags: , ,  One Comment
08
Jan
Pros and Cons of Having a Nanny
thammie128

(warning: it’s 12:34 AM now. My brain’s not really in tip-top shape, but I still can’t sleep)

PROS:

1. Having time to fulfill other duties— wife duties, household accounting, and if you’re a working mom–your job.

2. You get to have time for yourself. They say motherhood is a full-time job, wherein you’re always on-call, and there are no day-offs. I agree…but it doesn’t mean we can’t really have some time off. Alone time could actually do not just us, but our entire household (and that includes our kids) a favor.

3. We wouldn’t have to deal with our kids’ laundry and washing their bottles and other feeding paraphernalia.

4. They can really help a lot when we are all out of the house and we have to run errands and not want our kids to slow us down (or sometimes, they can do the errands for us)

5. I have poor memory when it comes to taking medicines and vitamins, so it is good that I can delegate this job to my nanny. I just give her a list and wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. (of course, we’d have to make sure she does follow the list every so often…once we remember :) )

6. I can spend time with each of my daughters separately and not have to worry about how the other baby is doing.

7. I can choose to wake up late on some days and not worry about how the kids are going to be fed. :)

CONS:

1. Additional expense. Of course we would have to include not just her salary, but also her daily living expenses in our family budget.

2. Privacy issues. You all know what I’m referring to. :)

3. It is, technically, still like letting a stranger into our house. We are not really sure of the value systems she grew up in and thereby might impart to our children. This is why we constantly have to explain to them our beliefs and core values as a family, especially in how we choose to raise our kids.

4. It is sometimes hard to draw the line between employer/employee relationship when at the same time we want to treat our nannies as part of the family

5. My girls sometimes pick up their bisaya accent. hehe…

6. There is that tendency for other family members to slack back in their responsibilities, and it can go unnoticed since there is someone else who could pick up after them. For example, my kids sometimes get lazy and would not want to pack away their toys since they know they have a yaya who couldn’t stand the mess and would end up cleaning it.

…that’s all I can think of for now. Maybe tomorrow another pro or con might pop up in my brain. Is there anything you’d wish to add? :)

Category: parenting  Tags: , , ,  3 Comments
19
Sep
Alyanna swallowed a plastic balloon?!?
thammie128

Alyanna got an old-fashioned “plastic balloon” from a birthday party. I know kids her age aren’t really supposed to play with these things, but I too, got excited. It’s been years since I last played with one! So yes, I allowed her to play with it also. Both of us were ecstatic as we blew into that short and tiny straw, and as we saw the transparent little bubble inflate.

A few minutes into our playtime, I had to get something from our room and so I left the girls to play by themselves. I trusted that Alyanna was smart enough not to ingest anything potentially harmful, particularly the plastic balloon we were playing with.

I was in my room for a few minutes, unable to check on the girls, but within earshot. I could hear both of them playing with glee and even heard Alyanna telling Mika about a “bubble”. She then started calling for my attention saying, “Look! Mom! A bubble!” –with matching giggles.

I decided to check on the two little ones, also to see the bubble Alyanna was so excited about. I took my time since I knew she was just talking about the plastic balloon. When I got back to their room, I thought I saw Alyanna put a tiny transparent thing into her mouth.

ME: “Where is it?”
ALYANNA: *just stares at me and shrugs her shoulder*
ME: “Alyanna, where is it?”
ALYANNA: *still having that look on her face, slowly points to her mouth*
ME: *nervous* “Did you swallow it??”
ALYANNA: *just stares again*
ME: (not sure if Alyanna’s stare means she’s guilty or clueless) “Alyanna, did you swallow it??”
ALYANNA: *slowly…nods*
ME: “Alyanna! You swallowed it?!?”
ALYANNA: *nods again*
ME: (over-reacting) “Alyanna! You swallowed it?! You can not swallow it! You should not swallow it! Next time, please remember you can NEVER swallow a plastic balloon!”
ALYANNA: *as if a light bulb turned on in her head* “huh? …Ah! No, mom! the plastic balloon is there in the CR o!” (she shows it to me)
ME: *relieved, but still confused* “Ha? Eh, what did you say that you swallowed??”
ALYANNA: *in a matter-of-fact, ‘duh,mom’ tone* “My laway.”

….There, mommy. That is what happens when we overreact. :)

Category: Alyanna Dialogues, parenting, random  9 Comments
13
Sep
Rules for Parenting
thammie128

Let me share some of the things I learned yesterday, when we attended the birthday celebration and dedication of the ever-so-adorable Joaquin Punzalan. Thank you, Kuya Paolo and Ate Jenn for asking me to be one of the ninangs. I am excited to witness the many things that God has in store for Joaquin! Thank you also Pastor Joey, for sharing a great word with us. :)

* Parenting sometimes calls for the supernatural. We can only do as much as parents. We have to realize that more than anything, it is really the grace of God– and His hand upon our children– that will help us in raising them to become godly men and women.

* There will come a time in our children’s lives when we just have to trust that the seeds we have planted in their hearts will grow and bear fruit. We can’t protect them forever, but God can.

* Parenting is ultimately not about following a set of rules. It is about how we conduct ourselves.

* Our children will not really learn much from what we say, but from how they see us live our lives.

…This was more than enough to push me into trying to become not just a better mom, but into the best person that I can be. :)

Category: parenting  Tags: , ,  2 Comments
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