Archive for the Category »marriage «

08
Mar
Faithfulness
thammie128

I am reposting this note written by our friend David. I am amazed at this young man’s wisdom–it is well beyond his years and his experience. I am sure a lot of couples have a lot to learn from this single guy (hopefully, single not for long David!).

“Faithfulness is not not-cheating. Not cheating is not cheating. We cannot define a principle by what it is not. Faithfulness is being firm in allegiance. In other words, being faithful is more than not cheating, it means being completely devoted. And unfaithfulness is not just cheating, it is not being completely devoted.

And what is devotion? It is simply the dedication of our lives to a purpose – or to a person.

My prayer is not that I won’t be unfaithful. My prayer is that I will be firm in my devotion.”

This is my prayer, too— to be completely devoted and to be firm in my devotion…first to God, then my husband, and then the rest of my family. This means that my choices should reflect these priorities. This means that the way I choose to handle my time, the way I live each day, the manner in which I serve and relate to my husband, how I conduct myself whether or not I am in front of my kids…even the thoughts that I allow to run through my head, and the emotions I allow myself to feel— all these should be aligned to this devotion that I say I have towards them.

If more husbands and wives understand faithfulness in this light, wow there will surely be less counseling cases, less fights, less talk on divorce…and a lot of better marriages and more kids who are secure in their families.

Lord, help me to be totally devoted to you. May you always be my first love….and let your unconditional love overflow through me, to those around me. As I devote the rest of my life to knowing and experiencing more of you, and as I look to you and fix my eyes on you, may you continually teach me and show me more and more how it is to love and respect my husband, and to train and shepherd my children.

:)

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04
Mar
Get Creative!
thammie128

Do you remember those days when you and your husband were still dating? Didn’t it feel like your husband was the most creative person when it came to surprising you and making you feel special? You, too, were probably very inspired in your efforts to come up with ways to make your man feel very important.

Dennis gave himself an assignment this year: to come up with more creative ways to date me. I must admit I am pretty low maintenance in the sense that any place with great food or a lovely ambiance would really do the trick for me. Or just the thought of  my husband having a plan to take me somewhere or do something for me already makes me excited. I’m sure most of you are low maintenance in this respect too. Especially once we have kids, the mere thought of someone thinking about us–our needs and our desires– is enough to make our day. When our husbands show that they see us and what’s in our hearts, we can go through everything and anything and still smile.

In a way this is a good thing. Actually, it really is a good thing. But it is also because of this that we have to be more deliberate in retaining that creativity and ingenuity that we once had when we were dating. As husbands, it is so easy to forget the need to go out of your way and do something for your wives, especially since too often wives are not vocal about their inner wishes and desires. Besides, we all know that our wives will not really love us any less if we fail to be more creative, right? Likewise, it is also easy for us wives to come to a conclusion that our husbands will continue to love us even if we fail to put extra imagination in  fulfilling his needs and wants. After all, just as we don’t demand anything out of this world from our husbands, and since we are doing a good-enough job in running the household and taking care of our kids, we’re sure that they are pretty happy with the way things are,right?

Well, those assumptions could be right. Things might be okay between the two of you. Maybe some might even say that things are going great for them. I’d say, “well done.” Good for you. :) Truly, I am happy for you, and I’d really believe you with all my heart when you say that. I do know that your marriage could work if things were this way.

…But I also know that there is always room for some improvement and that it won’t hurt to try to be more creative from time to time. :)

This would be my assignment for myself, too: to let the right side of my brain work more, and to be inspired and imaginative in my efforts as I fulfill my duties as wife, homemaker, and mom.

Lord, help me . :D

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03
Mar
Get Out!
thammie128

I’m back from our mini-getaway and wouldn’t you know it, the kids are fine! :)

The best thing I like about these little set-apart times is that we go back to our kids as closer partners and (hopefully) better parents.

It really doesn’t hurt to try to get out of the house once in a while. Again, we have to remember that one of the best gifts we can give our kids is a strong marriage and the security that mom and dad love each other and are committed to each other. We need to have a mindset that the times we spend away from our kids to date our spouses are investments we make that would have implications not just in our lifetime as parents, but would have an impact on how our kids would see and live life, and how they in turn would build their families and raise the next generation.

Moms and dads, I implore you…. if there is any way that you can leave the kids with someone you trust so both of you can spend some time alone, by all means, get out of that house! :)

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01
Mar
GetAway!
thammie128

In about an hour i shall be unplugging myself from the internet to spend two days of bliss with my husband. No kids, no housework, no ministry work….just me and my best friend, hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. Thank you Carlo for the gift! :D

Ever since we got married, the one thing that Dennis would have to give me that would really hit the mark and make my day was time together. Okay, wait…I wasn’t being completely true to myself there….of course, food also makes the top of my list….but yes, still coupled with quality time with him. This is my primary love language (how I receive and give/show love) –TIME. It’s so hard to pull me away from people I love once I’m spending time with them. Of course, it is a given that in the current season I and my friends are in, it is quite a feat just to set a schedule when we could meet, but once we’re there…good luck to our husbands in their attempts to make us stop and go home. :)

Next to time comes TOUCH. Here is a request that Dennis has become accustomed to: “Love, hug please.” …. I know how hard it is for my husband (and men in general) to stop what they are doing and go over to the wifey just to give a hug. To men, unless that hug would lead to something else, it might not be worth all the effort. It’s all part of their wiring, I think…very result-oriented. But through time, Dennis has come to understand that it is ultimately for his own happiness that he forgo his natural inclination to want to finish whatever work he has to do right away and come give me at least a ten-second hug. As they say, happy wife=happy life. :D

Fortunately for me, Dennis happens to have the exact same love language that he responds well to–  time and touch. :) This makes it relatively easier to be consistent in our efforts to please each other and make each other feel loved….relative being the operative word here. Being consistent is not often associated with the word easy. Being consistent in how we treat our spouses especially after years of being together would require much effort, a lot of reminder, and even more grace. But our hope is that as we continually remind ourselves to speak our spouse’s love language, we reap the rewards of having a happy husband or wife….which would also translate to having a blissful life together. :)

Going back to our mini-getaway, don’t you think it’s about time you and hubby get some time off from the kids, too? :)

Go on! Book that hotel!! Get in that car!!

PS: I’m excited! :D

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28
Feb
The Love Bug
thammie128

For the past few weeks, I have been lacking sleep because of calls from friends who are having some trouble in their marriages. I think since the start of this love month, a lot of my nights have been spent meeting with some of the wives, telling dennis to call some of the husbands, inviting some to come over our house to de-stress, taking calls in the middle of the night, listening to fights, you get the picture. Please don’t get me wrong— I am not, in any way, complaining. I love being able to help in any way I can, even if it means just listening or being there for someone who needs a shoulder to cry on, or taking on the form of a sounding board to pour their hearts out to. Most of the time I don’t even have any suggestions or answers, I just listen and cry or pray with them. The thing is, even if I do get physically, emotionally, and mentally tired from all this, it does have its own way of refreshing me, knowing God has placed me where I am, not to become comfortable, but to be used by God in whatever way He wants to. In the whole process, I myself am learning a lot from everything I’m witnessing, and I am being reminded of basic things we learn in marriage seminars that we so easily forget once we become part of the marriage picture. I also get reminded of what really matter in life, and to always keep my perspective and priorities in check.

I think it’s fair to say that a majority of this love month’s time has been directed towards dealing and thinking about love issues. Is it something in the air?? …Thank God my kids don’t mind sharing their bedroom and sharing their mom’s time with others (so far, at least). :) This is why I will probably be directing my blogs toward marriage/relationship issues and husband-and-wife concerns in the coming days. My blogs are supposed to reflect my thoughts, after all,  right? And I must admit that the past few days, relationships have been foremost in my mind.

There….I just wanted to give you the heads up. No promises, though. I’m just saying I think that for now, this is what I would feel like writing about. :)

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22
Feb
Just Another Manic Monday
thammie128

Monday is Dennis’ day off. It is also the day we have “set apart” for our date. Sometimes we could have the whole day to ourselves, while there are times we would have to spend the day with the girls and go on a date at night. This is really why i look forward to Mondays every week– I can’t wait to spend quality time with the love of my life. :)

Yesterday, however, we had to stay home since Mika is down with terrible cough and cold and is pretty clingy. She is now like a baby koala stuck to me, or could look like a joey if I had used my sling. Oh, we did get to go out for two hours, though. :) Dennis really wanted to take me somewhere we both loved and so he did while the kids were taking a nap. The rest of the day was pretty much very…typical, as one would put it, given that all we did was just stay at home, play, eat, and watch a Disney movie (note to self: Aladdin is a pretty scary cartoon…and I mean pretty scary not just for kids!!). On a side note there, I am proud to say I still know the songs and some lines of the movie even though it’s been eons since I’ve last seen it. :D

As I was saying, yep– yesterday’s family day was somewhat ordinary. Ordinary yet fun… I noticed that Dennis and I kept laughing at ourselves and each other’s jokes throughout the day yesterday. I like how we got to just laugh and laugh without thinking of chores or work. I love how I could still laugh with my best friend, and of course, not just on Mondays. I pray we’d never lose that– even after two more kids in the future. :)

PS: I think it’s about time we change the meaning of “manic Mondays” by the way. :)

Category: marriage, random  Tags: ,  2 Comments
14
Feb
100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband
thammie128

Got this from Ptr. Bernard Marquez. Thought it would be nice to share this with all of you especially on this day of love and mush.  :)

100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way

Author Unknown

Your relationship can be
greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with
him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re
trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences
that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate
freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh
together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him
time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun
instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the
negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often
sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make
the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the
negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your
evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one
to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your
husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work
on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a
marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other
times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your
pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that
love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when
necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the
family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific
reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording”
it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you
sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s
not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief
when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private
when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from
work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few
minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and
pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not,
it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a
movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just
like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best
comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t
crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he
needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between
you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to
men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to
do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or
breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at
home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he
wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to
him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do
better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures
instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in
public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t
interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a
husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that
the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may
view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or
illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the
silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with
you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer
leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday
living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in
his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

—- There! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY everyone! :)

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07
Feb
Five Years
thammie128

Dennis and I just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary the other day (February 5). I realized two things: For a couple of years now, we haven’t been giving each other “anniversary” gifts; and we always have to include eating at a buffet in our date or else it wouldn’t be complete. :) This time around, we went to Clark to celebrate our anniversary together with another couple-friend who also happen to have the same anniversary. We also brought the kids with us to celebrate Mika’s birthday. Of course, as one would think, this cannot be it. How could you possibly celebrate an anniversary with kids around??…and with no buffet?? ….well, we’re not done yet. We would be staying overnight somewhere, just the two of us, next week…and I shall eat all the salmon I want the next day. :D

I asked Dennis if he noticed the same thing, by the way….the no-anniversary gift part, and he said he did, too. As we talked about it, we both realized how content we are with just spending time with each other. Really. If he were to ask me what I wanted to receive for our anniversary, I would honestly just say…. “take me to a buffet.” And if I were to ask him what he wanted as a gift for our anniversary, he wouldn’t have anything in mind (except, of course, what all husbands have in mind—but that’s a given).

And so I conclude, I am actually giving Dennis a gift — a gift that perhaps most men would want from their wives…the gift of not having to worry about giving gifts, and the gift of not having to think about how much his wife will be spending. In short, peace of mind. :D   What a rare gift these days!

Seriously though, I am very, very grateful for the five wonderful years we’ve had together. I know I can say that I love Dennis more now than how I did five years ago, and with God’s grace, I know I would learn to love him more and more each day in the years to come. I know we have yet to learn many things. I am just glad that I need not be anxious about anything, knowing that for one, it is God who is the center of our marriage, and it is He who will direct our paths; And second, that I will be going through this life-long learning process with my husband. I am so blessed to have a husband who I can trust, whose wisdom is way beyond his experience, who loves God more than he loves me, who is committed to loving me and taking care of his family, whose hard work is  always fruitful, who balances me more than he knows.

In the five years we’ve had together, I think we’ve learned more than the typical five-year couple. For one, God uses other couples who have gone ahead of us to mentor us and teach us. This has spared us from a lot of unnecessary fights and arguments, and has given us a lot of great ideas on how we should treat each other. Also, we have counseled so many couples (SO.MANY. especially since we started the Greenhills church)— younger and older than us— that constantly remind us what to prioritize in our marriage, and of course what to avoid. We also come out of every counseling session thanking each other and thanking God for being in control of us and our union.

Again I say, I am very, very grateful for the five wonderful years we’ve had together, and I am really looking forward to the years ahead. Many told me before that I should have waited and not get married at such a young age, but honestly, I am glad I was given this privilege of starting such an amazing life with my husband early on….and so I also get the chance to build more great memories with my family. :)

Ga, thank you for kidnapping me and making me quit med school. Thank you for making me realize  dreams for my life that I didn’t know I had. More importantly, thank you for making those dreams a reality (well, some are still dreams, but we’ll get there ;) ). Thank you for being my best friend and life-long partner. I am excited to see what God has in store for us in the coming years! :) I love co-laboring with you in serving God and in raising our family. It is pure joy.  I love you! :)

PS: Life-long partner– I really like the sound of that. :)

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02
Feb
Commitment VS Covenant
thammie128

For the past couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with news about couples who are having trouble in their marriages. As I was praying for each of them this morning, two words came to mind: commitment and covenant. Then it hit me…

There are a lot of reasons why couples get into fights– finances, parenting styles, work and career concerns, intimacy issues….different things, at different levels. But a common denominator that we can note in all these issues is the lack of proper communication. And I say “proper” communication because it is so easy to assume that spouses communicate as long as they talk and seemingly listen; But it takes selflessness, humility, trust, and love for real communication to take place in a marriage. And of course, for all of this to happen, it takes a lot of time. Time, which can be equated with the word commitment.

I’ve noticed that a lot of times, husbands and wives find it difficult to set aside time for each other. When asked why, most say that though they do prioritize their spouses (so they say), it is just difficult for them because they have other commitments that they have to fulfill and be responsible for.

I agree– there are far too many things that we commit ourselves to, to the point that a lot of times these other commitments are placed at the same level as that of our marriages. We fail to remember that more than being a commitment, what sets our marriages apart from all the other commitments is that it is a covenant. A covenant is something that God takes much more seriously, as it involves not just both husband and wife, but God himself. When we fail to fulfill a certain “commitment”, there will be consequences, yes…but most of which affect us temporarily. When we fail to fulfill a covenant, on the other hand, the consequences have eternal and lasting repercussions.

God takes our marriage vows seriously. It is not just a contract we sign or a shallow promise we make. It is an invitation for God himself to bind two separates into one whole. That is why HE said “what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9).

God has purposed our marriages to be like that of His love relationship with us–unconditional and selfless, even to the point of death. He said that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate us from His love. He has made a covenant with us, and He has been taking it seriously since the beginning of time– and up until the end. I hope we all do the same. :)

Category: marriage  Tags: ,  9 Comments
24
Jan
Desires VS Expectations
thammie128

Growing up, how did you imagine life to be?

How did you see yourself as a married woman? What kind of man did you dream of marrying? How did you envision the father of your children to be? What kind of life did you dream of living?

I’m sure all of us have answers to these questions. All of us grow up with a certain picture of how life would be for us. We all hope for a particular kind of life– either one just like what we grew up with, or one very much unlike it. Either way, we all desire something from life.

It’s no different when we talk about marriage. I do not know of a sensible person who starts a family without any goals and dreams. In fact, why get married if you don’t have any goals for your union, right? Let me use another word in reference to these goals and dreams– let’s name them “Desire”.

Desire is one thing that all of us have in common upon entering relationships. It is the one thing that keeps us excited and makes us look forward to the next day of being with that person we have fallen in love with. Desire is what makes us women especially look forward to that day when our man would ask us to marry them and we say yes. Desire is what makes men ignore their fears and decide to take on the challenge of being called a husband and soon, a father. Desire is a gift from God. Desire is a beautiful thing.

…BUT, we must be careful not to let these desires turn into something else. A lot of times, something magical happens when we get married; These desires take on a new name–”Expectation”. Unlike desire, expectation says “you have to do/give this or else…”. Expectation makes us lose that feeling of excitement and hope because now we wake up and everything is just an obligation that we have to fulfill. With expectation, wives tend to lose that sense of admiration and respect for their husbands because now he is just doing what he’s supposed to do as the man of the house. Expectation causes men to forget all about that unconditional love they promised to give their wives because now wives are just performing her duties. All of a sudden, all the joy, unity, intimacy, and beauty in a relationship fade because the desires have become something that God never intended.

God has loved us with an unconditional love– and He has commanded husband and wives to love the same way.

My prayer is that I will always remember to say thank you to my husband for EVERYthing he does for us–from getting me my favorite wheat pandesal, to trying his best to provide for us….and for our desires to remain as such, until the day they become reality for us. :)

Category: marriage  Tags: , ,  3 Comments
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